By Jim Hagarty
2014
I have gotten myself into a bit of a financial pickle and I am not sure how I am going to get past it. Any suggestions would be helpful and if you would like to contribute to lessening the pressure on my finances, I would appreciate that as well.
Now comes the details as I am sure you want details before you commit yourself to any philanthropy directed my way.
This week I received a letter from retail giant Sears and it appears I have somehow been remiss in attending to my account. As a result of this inattention to my duties with regards to paying my bills with this company, I now owe it interest on arrears. That interest amounts to three cents. Now three cents might not seem that much to you but to my household, it may put us right on the precipice of ruin if I cannot raise the funds.
And, I have to admit, I cannot come up with the money. Not because I have no money though my purse does get lighter than a balloon now and then, but for this reason: Canada has done away with the penny. I would have gladly packed up three pennies and sent them off to Sears but I can’t come up with three cents. And I am too good a businessman to send them a nickel because then I would have to bill Sears for the two cents difference. They would be liable to send me a nickle in return to cover the two cents they would now owe me but the cycle would begin anew as I would then owe them three cents again.
Although I have handled money of varying amounts and in various forms – paycheques, mortgages, lines of credit, etc. – nothing has prepared me for the economic challenge represented by receiving a bill from a large company for three cents. For starters, Sears paid for a sheet of paper and an envelope and presumably, someone to put the paper in the envelope (or have a machine do it) and the 63 cent cost of a stamp to send this bill to me. I will have to spend that much to pay the bill.
In total then, Sears and I will have spent upwards of $1.50 to finalize this three cent transaction.
But, I am just a lowly serf who owes the overlords three cents. I should be grateful I am not being sued for the amount, I suppose. Maybe I will be yet. And with the return of debtors’ prisons in the U.S., how long can it before they show up in my country. Please visit me in jail and I would be grateful if you could smuggle in a chocolate bar. Thanks.
If I can find three people who are willing to pay me a penny for my thoughts, maybe I can avoid incarceration and bankruptcy.
As for Sears, the future might not be as bright, a lot of news stories say.
I wonder why.
