By Jim Hagarty
I’ve been to the banker this week, going over some figures and seeing if it would be possible for me to start up – or buy an existing – variety store, sometimes also known as a convenience store. I’ve always kind of liked the laid-back attitude in the mom and pop shops and I can easily picture myself, broad smile spread across my face, greeting all my loyal customers as I bag up their pop, chips and smokes.
“Have a good day, Mrs. Haverschnoppy,” I’d say on any typical day. “Mind you don’t trip on the door sill on the way out. Say hi to Mr. Haverschnoppy for me. I hope he’s getting over that chronic hangover.”
I don’t much care what I sell in my store – magazines, frozen pizzas, pancake mixes – but I will only go into business if I can be guaranteed one thing.
I simply have to be a certified Ontario lottery ticket retailer. In fact, it is a central part of my business plan.
As far as I can see, though I will admit to being anything but a giant of entrepreneurial insight, pushing those little pieces of papery hope across the counter holds potential for enrichment, for the buyer and, more importantly, for me.
I take as my business model the northwestern Ontario variety store retailer who liked to spend his mad money on tickets and who just happened to win 165 times over the past nine years. In fact, his good luck brought him more than $1.2 million during this time. I’m guessing that amount could be more than he earned through the sale of all the other items in his store over that same period.
Now, the cynical person with a suspicious mind – I feel nothing but contempt for such malcontents – might think this retailer had done something improper to bring about all this good fortune. But I don’t think so and anyone who believes that is way out of line. He or she just happens to be pretty lucky, very often.
The Ontario Lottery and Gaming Corp. said it had no evidence of wrongdoing and neither did the Ontario Provincial Police. There will be no criminal charges, nor should they be.
“There was no information in relation to the investigation that would support the laying of any charges,’’ Sgt. Pierre Chamberland said.
Now one thing I will say is that I have known people who have been buying lottery tickets for a lot longer than nine years and they have very little to show for it. Some free tickets here, $100 there. No lottery player I’ve ever met has won more than $1 million buying tickets over the course of nine years. So, this run of incredible good fortune must have something to do with owning a store. I can’t explain it. Those are just the facts.
This is the kind of linear thinking I have always been best at. Buy a store, sell lottery tickets in the store, buy the lottery tickets you sell, win 165 times … Boom! You’re rich!
So, if you see a big sign going up soon: Jim’s Variety and Lotto Centre, drop in. I might even introduce you to Mrs. Haverschnoppy and give you a hangover remedy or two.
No charge.
