A couple of weeks ago, on the Internet, I noticed a good deal on a very large capacity thumb drive. So I checked it out. Since then, and it started immediately, on every page I surf, there are large gaudy ads for little tiny thumb drives. Before that, I went searching for an inexpensive but good-quality set of headphones. Ads by the dozens for those. Before Christmas, it was a really good and not cheap audio recorder I could chirp my songs into.
I can’t remember as far back as I’d like to but this has been happening to me over and over for years. Sometimes I don’t mind it as the ads keep me tuned in with the latest technological toys, but mostly, they are a nuisance. They appear thanks to mysterious things called algorithms, tiny digital doodads that I assume were named after Bill Clinton’s Vice President Al Gore who once claimed to have invented the Internet.
So here is my plan to liven up my surfing. As my polka dot bikini bathing suit is frayed and looking terrible, I am going to do a search for new bikini swimwear. As it seems to be mostly young women who wear these things, I foresee many enjoyable hours of surfing (ironic, eh) ahead of me this winter.
I don’t think much could go wrong with my plan but if the authorities do show up at my door, I promise to go quietly.
(Update: To demonstrate how powerful algorithms appear to be, I am now receiving lots of ads for bikinis even though I never actually did get around to doing a search for swimwear. I can only assume my writing this story and posting it to Facebook a few weeks ago was all it took to set the bikini wheels in motion.)
©2022 Jim Hagarty
