Ready to Bottom Out

By Jim Hagarty

I sometimes wonder why
I ever watch the news.
A half hour seeing bombs go off
Contributes to the blues.

The only sane thing I can do
In these uncertain times,
Is turn to Spongebob Squarepants,
That yellow guy so fine.

For every bad news item
Can soon be chased away
By watching Spongebob Squarepants
For half an hour a day.

To see that little fry cook
Flip patties on the grill,
Makes me want to quit the news.
In fact, I think I will.

I wish, in fact, that I could leave
My world and move away
To old Bikini Bottom.
I’d go there right away

Oh yes, it isn’t perfect,
And yes, it’s a cartoon
But if I can’t be with Spongebob,
Then I’m moving to the moon.

Author: Jim Hagarty

I am a 72-year-old retired journalist, busy recovering from a lifelong career as an unretired journalist. This year marks a half century of my scratching out little fables about life. My interests include genealogy, humour and music. I live in a little blue shack in Canada and spend most of my time trying to stay out of trouble. I am not that good at it. I also spent years teaching journalism. Poor state of journalism today: My fault. I have a family I don't deserve, a dog that adores me, and two cars the junk yard refuses to accept. My prized possessions include my old guitar and a razor my Dad gave me when I was 14 and which I still use when I bother to shave. Oh, and my great-great-grandfather's blackthorn stick he brought from Ireland in the 1850s. I have only one opinion but it is a good one: People take too many showers.