My dog Toby is 13 inches high. And I like to sit in a lawnchair in my garage with the door open so I can watch life as it passes by. Toby likes to do that too.
However, some of the life that passes by arrives in the form of squirrels, which Toby likes to chase. Sometimes they run right across the street with Toby right behind them. This is a recipe for disaster.
Nothing to do but to build a gate which would go across the garage door opening and keep my critter in. So, I did.
First I measured the height of the dog, then went to the board store. Brought home a bunch of lumber. Toby watched me construct his prison.
The first gate was too high and other family members complained it was too hard to step over when they entered and exited the garage. So I took it apart.
Made another one. A really nice one. I bought two lengths of lattice and stapled them onto the frame. Then I painted the whole affair blue to match the house. The height was acceptable.
I sat down in my chair to watch life go by while Toby sat on the floor beside me. My neighbour came over to inform me that the dog would easily jump over the fence.
My neighbour revels in breaking news like this to me. She would gladly tell me I had a huge whitehead on my nose that was ready to pop and that it looked like hell.
I have not murdered my neighbour yet but only because I haven’t been able to devise a painful enough way to do it.
So my neighbour with the death wish shambled back to her coven and I watched Toby as he tried to look through the lattice. I could see that the darned holes were too small and he couldn’t get a very good view of the squirrels he was never again going to chase.
So I took the gate to the backyard and ripped off the lattice. Went to the board store for some more wood and restyled the whole affair to make it easier for my dog to see all the rodents go flitting by. It seemed to be acceptable so I painted it up.
My neighbour came over to tell me the slats in the new gate were too wide and that Toby would squeeze right through. I calculated that if I squeezed my whitehead at just the right angle, the contents might hit her in the eye.
So the summer went by and man and dog sat in the garage. I watched the young women from the fitness centre next door jog by in their ponytails and spandex and Toby watched the impudent squirrels scoot across the driveway.
Life was good.
Three weeks ago, we were packing up the car for our annual vacation to a hut situated in the middle of a bear compound up north because we don’t want to die natural deaths and as he always does, poor Toby lost his mind. He was sure we were going to leave him behind.
The garage door was open and we all stepped over the gate as we hustled stuff from house to car. I wandered aimlessly with a can of bear repellant in my hand while Toby continued freaking out.
But Toby is a fast learner and he stood in all his panic, watching us step over the gate. And then, in a style reminiscent of every mountain goat that has ever scaled a hillside leaping from rock to rock, Toby backed up, put it into gear and flew over all that lovely painted lumber I had bought at the board store.
Next week, I am putting up an electric fence. Not to keep Toby in. That’s hopeless. To keep my neighbour (and the bears) out.
And once again, I thank the Creator for all the good sense and balanced thinking I was blessed with.
And for the joggers from the fitness centre next door.
©2015 Jim Hagarty
