Like a lot of things these days, road rage just ain’t what it used to be.
A man on a freeway in Florida cut off a woman while changing lanes so she shrugged her shoulders as if to say WTF? That was his cue, of course, to start chasing her and her carload of kids. Chased her, then pulled out a gun and pointed it at her kids.
She dodged him. So he grabbed an assault rifle, a perfectly logical response to the situation, but before he could mow down anybody, he shot himself in the leg and crashed his car.
I believe what this calls for, to prevent further injuries like this, is the installation of assault rifles on the hoods of cars in Florida. They could be fired by the drivers with the use of a handy remote control. They could even be set up to swivel which would improve accuracy.
Road ragers are people too and have the right to not shoot off their legs when pursuing mommies and kiddies with murder in their heart.
It’s in the Constitution.
Way back in the innocent sixties, shortly after I got my driver’s licence at 16, I began my own career as a road rager. I started off modestly, as most ragers do. I would look at an offending driver and refuse to smile. That didn’t seem to produce the effect I was going for so I graduated to the mildly angry scowl. But it was muted, sort of non-committal. I then moved on to full scowl which was a fearsome thing to encounter and then to horn honking. Finally, I escalated to the ultimate – the middle finger salute!
On one occasion, years ago, after producing the salute, the driver it was aimed at didn’t like it all and proceeded to chase me all over town, his front bumper six inches away from my back bumper. Scared half to death, I kept driving around until I finally pulled up in front of the police station. My tormenter didn’t seem to appreciate that and he zoomed off to somewhere unknown to make someone else’s life enjoyable. I’m wondering if he just emerged from 10 years in prison the day before and didn’t want to associate with officers of the law.
It is also possible he was the first cousin of that peach of a guy with the shot-off leg in Florida.
Whatever the case may be, that was the day I was cured of my road rage mania.
So, my pursuer did me a big favour though I am sure that was not his intention. Road ragers were not put here on Earth to do favours for others.
As for me, I keep my pistols in the fridge now where they belong and my assault rifles are tucked away safely in the attic.
©2015 Jim Hagarty
