The miracles of modern technology never cease to amaze.
We have a brand new, streamlined medical centre in my town and if they are looking for a building to house astronauts on Mars, this one would probably do.
To conserve space, I won’t go through the centre’s many features except for one. There are two public washrooms on the main floor, used by male and female alike. The entranceways to these pristine enclaves are designed to prevent the old problem of people pounding on locked doors and being told, “I’ll be right out, for cryin’ out loud,” as a frustrated Ralphie said in The Christmas Story when his little brother Randy needed to pee.
Beside each door is a big square button. Surrounding that button, if the bathroom is free, is a bright green light, indicating it is unoccupied. If the light is red, someone is inside and the door is locked.
Easy peasy.
I used that system the other day to wander into one of the washrooms. The door opened wide and when it opens, it stays open for a long time, no doubt to accommodate people in wheelchairs.
In I went and immediately pressed the big square button labelled “Lock”. The door eventually closed.
I had just gotten down to business when I heard the door open again behind me, exposing me and my business to the people in the hallway. And it might have been my imagination, but it seemed to me a busload of seniors had just then disembarked and were gathered outside my washroom door, looking in. I imagined critical commentary from the nosy crowd.
As we all know, once you begin a washroom procedure such as I was involved with, it’s very difficult to stop it. So there I stood, losing dignity faster than I was losing the pop I had for breakfast and while, in midlife or earlier, I might have been mortified to be on full display like this, as a senior citizen now, I am less embarrassed. I was at least thankful that the operation I had undertaken did not require sitting down, as I then would have been staring into the faces of my tut tutters.
When I was finished, the door having closed again by this time, I read the instructions above the lock button. I was to have pressed it after the door had swung shut and not before, a critical error I will not repeat.
I love modern science and its inventions, but in this moment, I would have rather been Ralphie, yelling to his antsy little brother, “I’ll be right out, for cryin’ out loud!”
©2021 Jim Hagarty
