The day is coming, and it might not be too far off, when I am going to have to pay for my sins.
My little dog Toby rides in the back seat crying all the way to the groomer and the vet. But on the way home, he is so happy to be free he pushes himself under my arm and onto my lap and there he stays for the entire trip, looking out the window with wonder at everything passing us by. I am glad that his trauma is over, so I let him stay.
On the list of driver distractions which includes texting, eating and making love, driving along with a doggie on your lap has to be right up there. So we carefully take back streets home, trying to avoid detection. Toby is 14 years old so we’ve been up to this no-good business for quite a while.
On Wednesday, I dressed him up in his bright green sweater and headed out to see the vet. He cried all the way there and after I got the bill, I cried all the way home. But when the vet brought him out and set him on my lap, he planted his feet as stubborn as a donkey, and refused to move.
So we headed out. I imagined which back streets I would take – Downie, then Norfolk, Romeo, Oxford and Albert – but said to myself, what the heck, let’s go main streets all the way!
And that is where I made my critical error.
We turned right instead of left, and headed for the lights at Lorne Avenue, me as nervous as a cat in a kennel and Toby dressed up in green like a neon Christmas tree.
Approaching the lights, I could see they were about to turn green for us at this main intersection. I also saw a police car stopped at the lights directly to my left. I rolled around the corner as anxious as a man on his wedding day, my miniature Christmas tree in my lap, and glued my eyes to my rearview mirror, awaiting my fate.
Amazingly, I was not followed. I am guessing the officer was on his way to a hostage taking so decided to let me go.
But it’s a dangerous business. One of these days, our town is going to be fresh out of hostage takings and my doom will have arrived.
As for Toby, the hand that reaches through the window to give me my ticket will simply represent some fresh new skin to lick. He will do this, of course, because My Doggie Can’t Hold His Licker.
The end.
©2020 Jim Hagarty
