I was asked a while back whether or not I had ever taken driver training. I am not sure what prompted the question. Was I being told it was obvious I had been trained or clear as a bell that I hadn’t. In any case, I was happy to answer.
“Well, yes, as a matter of fact, I am taking driver training.”
“You mean you have taken it. Right?”
“Oh, I see, you are asking whether or not I ever took instruction from someone on the proper way to drive an automobile. And yes, I did take a course offered by my high school when I was 16. And I am still taking lessons, almost every day.”
“What the hell are you yammering on about? You just turned 72. Do you mean to tell me you’ve been taking driver training for the past 56 years? What do you take me for. A fool?”
“Yes, I do, to the second question and same for the first. Every day I drive, I am in training.”
“What kind of drugs are you on?” asked my inquisitor.
“If you would like a list of my drugs I can supply that to you. But as far as I know, none of them impair my thinking.
“Every time I drive my car, I have a number of driving instructors showing me what to do. They don’t sit in my car like my first teacher did, but drive along in their own vehicles, and they point out what I am doing right and what I am doing wrong.
“Sometimes, they will wave at me with a middle finger extended. Apparently, this is a signal that my driving skills are excellent and it is their way of congratulating and encouraging me.
“But other times, my instructors honk their horns when it is obvious to them that I have done something wrong. I feel badly about that and try to correct my ways.
“Some of my instructors get very angry with me, their faces turn red and they shake their fists as our cars meet on the road. This is helpful as I take note of my mistakes and pledge to correct them in the future. The last thing I want to do is make my driving instructors upset with me.”
A common driving error I make these days is going too slow. In the world of driving, this appears to be a cardinal sin. I try to drive a few clicks over the speed limit but it has been shown to me many times over the years that I am holding up all the other drivers.
For example, I was driving through a sudden and brief terrible snowstorm in the dark one night last week and trying hard to not kill or be killed when I was impressed to suddenly see a qualified driving instructor passing me in his car and thereby telling me I was a menace on the road. I absorbed that lesson and will work on it.
Have I done any driver training myself in the 56 years I have had a licence? The answer is I have done a bit of it over the years but gave it up for good about two decades ago following an unfortunate incident. I gave the common middle finger salute to a male driver to congratulate him on his skillful maneuvers and the man chased me all over town for the next fifteen minutes, his car right on my tail, wanting me to stop, I guess, to provide him with more explicit instructions. I guessed the driver had just been released from prison that day and his skills were a little rusty. I finally led him to the police station where I stopped, intending to get out and give him some helpful tips. He must have been in a hurry, however, as he sped up and disappeared down the street.
It can be a complicated thing, this driver training.
©2023 Jim Hagarty
