Last time I go to church in Altoona, in the state of Pennsylvania, U.S.A. (Unrestricted Shooters of America). I was sitting in a church service there on Saturday, enjoying me some good old-fashioned hellfire and brimstone and just this close to choosing the straight and narrow pathway to Heaven instead of the Road to Hell that I’ve been speeding down, when a fellow worshipper (of guns, not so much God, but He’s okay too) suffered the misfortune of having his gun go off in his pocket.
Thinking quickly and brilliantly as any man who brings a gun to church in Altoona would do, the pistol packing pocket pray-er handed the weapon off to someone else who hid it in the pages of a program, that guy also being a quick thinker, if a somewhat shifty sinner. The firearm’s safety was off and the trigger caught on the man’s pocket, firing off a shot and grazing the man’s hand. Other nearby extremities in the pocket region were not grazed, too tiny, apparently, for a bullet to hit, hence the man’s need for the gun.
He was taken to hospital but very reluctantly as he had to enter that place without the security of knowing he had his gun in his pocket. However, they fixed him up, decided not to shoot him, and sent him on his way.
Now, as it happens, a fellow parishoner did some shooting of his own during all this, pulling out his phone and photographing the event. And this is what has me so angry I will not go to church in Altoona ever again, Salvation be darned. I cannot believe, in 2015, in the state of Pennsylvania, that they would allow a cellphone in a church. I wish that guy the best of luck now trying to crash the Pearly Gates. His only hope might be to take his gun-totin’ Yosemite Sam of a buddy with him. St. Peter, I have heard, does not have a concealed carry permit.
Yahoooooo!!!!! Say ur prayers, varmint!
©2015 Jim Hagarty
