Once in a while, the Universe comes through.
A fitness place has opened up next door to my house. Not five doors down – next door. Among the members of this establishment are about 25 young, beautiful women who need fitness training like I need caramel popcorn training. And on several days of the week and at various times of the day, these women emerge from the fitness centre wearing skintight outfits and jog up and down the sidewalk right in front of my house, about 20 feet away from me. They all lope like pony-tailed gazelles down to the end of the street, then turn around and jog past my house again, return to the fitness place and then do this all over. Ten or 20 times at a stretch. They don’t run as a big group, but one at a time with about 10 paces between them, like a speeded up fashion runway, if the fashions were all painted on.
I have never spent much time on our front porch. It is too hot there in the afternoon when the sun beats down. But lately it’s been hot out there in the morning and evening too, and yet I find myself sitting out there a lot more than I ever have in the past. Pop and chocolate bar in hand, dog by my side, unread book at the ready.
I swear I didn’t train him to do this but the dog sits by the front window all day and barks like mad when the joggers start, which is our cue to go out for some fresh air. Doggy appears to sense that an outside visit at those particular times seems to have the effect of improving my mood.
Sadly, now and then, a group of young men replace the women for a while so I text a neighbour a few houses up the street and she goes out on her porch to catch the parade. I go inside to refresh my drink. In a world that depends on good systems to keep society functioning well, this arrangement seems to have few if any flaws. I do not believe there is a statute anywhere in the Criminal Code which forbids a man from sitting on his front porch and looking towards his street from there. On the other hand, if I went to a fitness centre downtown, sat in a lawnchair by the door and took in the scenery, my lawnchair and I would be arrested inside of five minutes.
There are a few thousand houses in my town. Almost none of them has a fitness place right next door to them. I can’t explain it. Just another happy Mystery of the Universe. There must be someone, somewhere out there that I need to thank for this.
Cardiac arrest might be just around the corner, but what a way to go!
©2014 Jim Hagarty
