It was decided the grackles were unwelcome and had to leave our property. They were eating us into poverty (four dollars per day in suet cakes alone), they were crapping on everything – cars, lawnchairs, picnic table, laundry on the line, they were aggressive when the food supply was low and would bang on our windows to smarten us up, and they chased away the birds we used to have and would like to see again.
So, as I often do these days, I enrolled in a short course at the University of YouTube and after only one video, I knew what I had to do. The guy in the video is probably the smartest man on Earth. He said, brilliantly, that if you want to stop attracting nuisance birds, quit feeding them. What a concept. I wish I could hire that guy as my life coach. I bet he knows other stuff too.
The next morning, I put out no bird feed at all and before long, all the feeders were empty. The grackles were getting anxious in the same way I do when there are only crumbs left in my potato chip bag and all the stores are closed.
I watched with delight as the hours passed and the grackle population dwindled. Good riddance!
About that time, I was sitting in a lawnchair under a maple tree when I heard a hell of a racket on a branch above me. Without even looking, I knew what it was. It was a baby grackle wanting its mama to feed it.
“Fat chance,” said Mama. “That old miser Jim has taken away all our food.” Those are the very words she used.
“So now I hate mamas and babies,” I thought. Just then, she led her little one out of the tree and down to our water hole where she taught the yungun to drink.
I watched the pathetic scene for a few more minutes until I could stand no more.
The Hagarty Conservatory for Grackles will open for business on Monday morning. There will be teeshirts for sale with a picture of an unsmiling me with grackle poop on my head (it has happened.)
Everyone is welcome but whatever you do …
FEED THE BIRDS!!!!
©2023 Jim Hagarty
