If there has ever been invented a simpler piece of clothing than the T-shirt, I would like to know what it is. Maybe the sock. But on reflection, no. A sock has to have a mate to make any sense and it often requires a search to find it. If it even still exists.
Underwear. Can’t go too far wrong there though it is possible, on a sleepy morning, to try to fit both legs through the same leg hole. And it is near tragic, in a hurry, to realize you’ve put your underwear on front to back.
No, the T-shirt has it all, pretty much. It can be put on backwards, but even if it is, that doesn’t fall into the category of a wardrobe malfunction. It would take a very clear-eyed (and nosy) observer to detect a backwards T-shirt. And it is not something anyone is likely to phone the police about.
Five seconds after I put on my first T-shirt so many moons ago, I knew I had found the perfect, lifelong covering for my torso. And on the rare occasion that I am invited to a formal occasion, there is a simple wardrobe solution. I go to the store and buy a new T-shirt.
But in my eighth decade of ripping around this old world, my perfect T-shirt solution to every problem is somehow breaking down. On more than one occasion, lately, I have arrived home from an adventure on the town (grocery hunting) to discover that I left the house wearing an inside-out T-shirt. To the casual observer, this is unmistakable and, for some, unforgiveable. Except for the fact that, having realized the error of my ways, I am not usually very upset about it. At least on those occasions, most of my other clothing is on the right way around, so what is a little inside-out T-shirt among friends?
In fact, it bothers me so little that removing the shirt and putting it back on the right way is not an automatic, reflex reaction. I have to decide whether or not the effort is worth the gain.
That is the way with a lot of things in my life these days that have decreased in importance the older I get. Perfectionism is no longer the character trait it once was with me, though it rears its head now and then still.
The T-shirt might be, and most definitely is, the most perfect piece of clothing ever invented. The guy who wears it, however, is apt, some days, to have more loose threads than a fabric shop after a tornado.
©2023 Jim Hagarty
