I have often wondered if I get inspired too easily. I read stories about other people and I say to myself, “I wish I could do that.”
Today I read about a woman who has had nine surgical procedures to look like Ivanka Trump. Always, my next question is, “Why didn’t I think of that?”
It isn’t that I want to look like Ivanka Trump. I think that is aiming a little too high. I have sort of let myself go over the years and I am not up for a breast reduction, for one thing.
No, I would like to look like Ivanka’s dad. And I think this can be achieved without nine surgeries.
Donald Trump and I have the same basic body style, though I am shorter than he is. We both sort of hunch over when we walk and lumber like Bigfoot rambling through the forest, trying not to be seen. And Donald and I normally wear facial expressions that seem as though they could only result from about six straight hours a night sniffing gasoline fumes. We seem to also share intelligence levels.
What I would have to change is my hairstyle. But I think that is easily doable. I can drive out to any farm around where I live in Canada and buy a nice big bale of yellow straw from a field of barley. Then I would deliver it to a weaver to work her magic. Finally, I would glue my new hairpiece to my head with Elmer’s carpenter glue.
One long red tie later and I will soon have people screaming out their car windows at me as I walk the streets. I hope I can handle the adulation. There is no operation for that as far as I am aware.
©2018 Jim Hagarty
