I know you have asked yourself many times, “Why doesn’t Jim Hagarty have a hot tub?” That is a very good question and I compliment your intelligence in thinking to ask it.
I also have wondered, from time to time, why such a body relaxing fixture has never found a place in my home, as I probably missed out on a few rollicking hot-tub parties. But then I remember the real reason.
Hot tubs attract gigantic alligators, boa constrictors and even rabbits. Those were the critters found in a Kansas City apartment recently, when the tenant was being evicted. As a tenant such as the one mentioned here would have had to say, the 150-pound alligator was as gentle as a puppy.
I don’t have much experience with alligators, actually none at all, as the creeks on the farm I grew up on were too shallow to attract any, but my actual puppy sits on my lap at night when I watch TV. I doubt “Catfish” and I would get along as well when my favourite shows come on.
You might say I am overreacting to this news but I assure you I am not. Precaution is nine-tenths of valour, or something like that. In the 67 years I have lived without a hot tub, I have never been eaten by an alligator.
I rest my case. (Not as restful as I might be just climbing out of a hot tub, I suppose, but I rest it anyway.)
©2018 Jim Hagarty
