Sad news. The Jim Hagarty Hockey School has been forced to suspend activities again.
This morning at 3 a.m., the founder/president/CEO and chairman of the Committee for Recovering the Lost Puck and Stick, walked out on the ice he had made on his backyard lawn for the final watering before today’s warm spell when his feet went skyward and he landed on his back, his head bouncing like a basketball on the ice before finally coming to rest.
The pain that shot through him was equivalent to the shock that would be inflicted if five strong men swinging 20-pound hammers flailed away at his shoulders and neck for three minutes straight.
However, Hagarty did not lose consciousness and, in fact, his first response post crash was to sing the national anthem of Portugal in a seldom used ancient dialect of Portugese, which was surprising as he does not speak Portugese.
A hockey school student rushed out to help him up and when he asked Hagarty if he was okay, the noted hockey expert recited the American Pledge of Allegiance. Finally settled in his house, Hagarty groaned in pain but found some relief in sitting in front of the TV in the basement for a hilarious episode of a popular sitcom. This was remarkable as that TV was not plugged in.
After a restless night in bed, Hagarty asked his wife to remove the straightjacket from him so he could get out of bed. This was also odd as there was no straightjacket. The one she often wraps him in when he is sound asleep was sent to the cleaners.
When he finally made it to the kitchen, he tossed his car keys in the direction of the dog and asked him to drive him to the coffee shop as he wasn’t feeling well enough. So, in other words, there were no unusual side effects from the terrible fall.
School will resume next week if and when Hagarty agrees to get off the shed roof.
©2016 Jim Hagarty
