By Jim Hagarty
So, the cops finally catch up with you, charge you and throw you in jail. You sit in the clink for three months waiting to appear in court and finally, that day arrives. Yesterday.
It is a good thing that you have been detained behind bars and not been able to re-offend. The community has been better off without you.
There you are. A 25-year-old woman standing before a judge in a Pennsylvania court. And, with all humbleness, you plead guilty.
To what charge, exactly?
To having sex too loudly.
In fact, you hooted and howled and jumped about so wildly while doing it that you shook your neighbour’s furniture.
Oh, and then you threatened your neighbours when they complained about your over-the-top and excessively loud love-making ways.
That wasn’t cool.
So you were sentenced to up to 90 days in jail. For disorderly conduct.
Now, you are regretful and you tell the court that you want to apologize to your neighbours, but honey, this is not the first time you have done this. You have been charged and pleaded guilty for the same offence in the two years that this has been a problem.
And let’s face it. People having sex too loudly is a real problem in society. I know on my street, I can hardly go for a walk at night any more without being bombarded with the sounds of …, well, let’s just say, the sounds. It’s awful.
“Close your damn windows,” I yell out, but they never do. Sometimes I get mooned, which I think is uncalled for.
I have nailed all my furniture to the floor, so that is not an issue.
And I took a course at the YMCA: How to Make Love Silently and Joylessly.
I have recommended the course be offered in Pennsylvania.
