By Jim Hagarty
Shorts again, Jim? Good Lord. Get a new obsession.
Sorry, my mind wanders continuously but now and then it stops and fixes on something. Could be anything.
So I bought two new pairs of shorts. They are cheap shorts and now I am paying a sad and heavy price for my impulsiveness. After all, I have been in the market for new shorts for five years. I should have taken another year or two.
No offence intended to the clothesmakers in whatever country these abominations were manufactured but they were not designed for a human being of my weight and build. Or any other human being for that matter. I think they just cut out a prototype, held it up to the light and declared, “Close enough.”
I can’t get my legs through the openings. I can’t sit down without giving myself a hernia. Getting the fly down is like trying to unlock a bank vault without the combination. When I walk, I feel body parts rubbing together that shouldn’t be rubbing together.
But they look good, so there’s that.
