By Jim Hagarty
I have bought and sold things over the Internet these past few years, chiefly through the site called kijiji.
Small things usually. Printers. Scanners. Concert tickets. Hamster cages. Snow tires.
Then I took a big leap and bought a used smartphone. So far so good.
But I heard about a guy who sold his car on kijiji and I was awestruck.
“Who would buy a car on kijiji?” I remarked.
So I went and bought one on kijiji.
A great car. It was eight years old and had only 7,461 kilometres on it, or, for you Americans who might be reading, that is 12.6 miles.
I couldn’t believe my luck.
And it cost only $6,000 Canadian ($150 US).
The car was nearly flawless. Its previous owner was an old lady (really) who drove it to the grocery store and the hairdresser. She babied it, but found the best way to stop the vehicle was to run into something. So, there were a few bruises.
A couple of other problems. The speedometer started, not at zero, which would have been nice, but at 110 kilometres per hour. So I pasted a chart on the glass showing drivers how fast or slow they are going. To go the legal limit on most highways, you have to get it up to 190. To go 50, you have to go 160, etc. It is a good system.
The temperature gauge also didn’t work right. I told all the drivers in the house that if the needle hits C (for cold), the engine is overheating. Everyone is on board.
I have spent the past two years bragging about the 7,461 kilometres on the odometer. People have been amazed. And only $6,000, they say, smiling with admiration. It feels good to be known as a literal wheeler dealer.
But there is a spoilsport in every crowd. There really is. Some guy who studied logic in university. Who studies logic? At a recent gathering, I was holding forth about our Internet auto and, of course, detailing the incredible fact of the 7,461.
But I also described the car’s few hiccups, such as the gauge issues.
Up stepped a cousin with this crazy theory: If some of the gauges are wonky, what made me think the odometer reading was exact when I bought the car.
I hate that guy.
I really do.
I am going to buy a bag of dog crap on kijiji and make a mess of his front door.
Then I will take off in my car at 190 and get the hell out of there.
