By Jim Hagarty
2014
They say if you don’t want to spend money, don’t go into stores where they sell things. I am finding this to be true. I was in a hardware store last week and saw five or six items that I just had to have. Actually, a couple of them I had to think long and hard for a possible use for them, but I wanted them nonetheless.
I left the store, however, wallet intact. I have turned over a new leaf.
On Saturday morning, I was in a drug store picking up some toothpaste when my eyes came to rest on a bag of caramel popcorn. In the old days, a drug store sold drugs and a grocery store sold food and never the twain would meet. Now, the twain meet a lot. The drug stores are full of groceries and the food stores are full of drugs – and even clothes. The world is upside down.
I tried to go through my day peacefully but the image of that caramel popcorn kept invading my thoughts and I knew it was only a matter of time before I bought a bag. I held off till late last night however and finally broke down, cleaned off the car and went out into the snowy night in search of my prey. Back I returned, bag in hand.
I sat down on the couch to watch TV and surf the net. I got myself a tidy little bowl of potato chips. They went down very well. The popcorn bag I kept right beside me, waiting for the right time to open it. About an hour into Saturday Night Live, the big moment arrived and I tore the bag open.
My dog Toby immediately jumped down from the easy chair and ran over to where I sat. He looked at the popcorn and then at me, and repeated this motion several times. His eyes were pleading.
“No, no, no, little guy,” I said to him. “You can’t have any of this. Not even one little bit.” And, I’m sorry but I might have thrown in a “ha, ha” at the end.
Resigned, he jumped back into his chair and went to sleep. I ate a bit of the popcorn but the chips had filled me up so I left most of it for today, when I would eagerly finish it off. When I turned out the lights to go to bed, I looked at Toby and said, “Not coming to bed, little fella?” Normally, he would be there by then. I left him. Sometimes he stays in his chair and doesn’t come downstairs at all.
This morning I got up and the first thing I saw on the counter in the kitchen was my precious bag of popcorn, about three little puffy kernels left inside. I knew who the culprits were – my son and his friends. I will admit to a bit of irritation.
When my wife came upstairs, I told her the guys had eaten my popcorn. “No they didn’t,” she said. “Toby got it. You left the bag on the couch.”
I looked at Toby. He looked at me. I know he can’t really speak, at least not in human language, but it seemed to me he was saying, with his eyes, “Ha, ha!”
