By Jim Hagarty
2018
I know you have asked yourself many times, “Why doesn’t Jim Hagarty have a hot tub?” That is a very good, profound question and I compliment your intelligence in thinking to ask it. I also have wondered, from time to time, why such a body relaxing fixture has never found a place in my home. But then I remember the real reason.
Hot tubs attract gigantic alligators, boa constrictors and even rabbits. Those were the critters found in a Kansas City apartment recently, when the tenant was being evicted, the gator resting happily in the tub. As a tenant such as the one mentioned here would have to say, the 150-pound alligator is as gentle as a puppy. I don’t have much experience with alligators, actually none at all, but my puppy sits on my lap at night when I watch TV. I doubt “Catfish” and I would get along as well when my favourite shows come on.
You might say I am overreacting to this news but I assure you I am not. Precaution is nine-tenths of valour, or something like that. In the 67 years I have lived without a hot tub, I have never been eaten by an alligator. I rest my case.
